So many of you readers may be wondering what this title means, well I am about to tell you. I know I can feel y'all just absolutely quivering with excitement. So 2 Saturdays ago, I had excruciating stomach pains like punch a baby in the face to make yourself feel better pains. So I of course call my dad because you know we live hundreds of miles away so he can definitely help me out right? So I am in so much pain I head to the regional hospital. So I get there and I am literally WRITHING in PAIN on the floor of the hospital. I can't sit it hurt, I can stand it hurts, I can't lay down it hurts. Did I mention I was puking as well? Oh well I was in copious amounts of Fat Barbie puke. So what does the regional hospital do? Tell me it is just gas and they won't even admit me. Their advice was to go pick up some gas-x and go to bed. So I pick up some gas-x and some z-quil ( that is my shiznit) and I eventually fall asleep. So the pain kinda goes away but I feel like a constant sort of pressure and I am popping cherry vanilla gas-x likes it is CANDY. Well then the next Friday I am feeling not only punch a baby in the face pain but run over a basket of kittens pain. So instead of going to the regional hospital( I highly doubt they can spell at that hospital) I take my chunky butt up to the large catholic hospital the next town over. So on my drive up there I begin to puke. Now luckily I had a Styrofoam cup in my jeep...So I am pulled over on the side of the interstate puking in this freaking cup. Well the cup soon gets full so I have to carefully open my door throw the cup out ( I get it I'm a litter bug but at the time I didn't care) Well as I think I am done with the puke fountain I puke on the side panel of my door. Now I LOVE my jeep and I had to have been in some serious pain to puke on the door. Now the puking has only made the stomach pain worse so i am speeding to get to the hospital. I finally get there run into the ER and as the admit guy is asking questions I puke all over the admit desk. So they are like hey lets get you back there so you wont puke on me again. So they haul my sorry butt into the back and get me all tressed up in a gown. I looked stunning. So they give me something for the pain( morphine it is WONDERFUL) and some anti-nausea medicine. Well the pain killer isn't really doing anything but making me sleepy so they try to give me the drink that is supposed to numb my insides. Well Fat Barbie's insides were like umm hell no so I projectile vomit this concoction all over my poor nurse Yolanda . Poor Yolanda I felt so bad... Did I mention I had an iv and they thought from the vomiting I had pulled it out? I hadn't pulled it out it just came loose so they then stick some other drug in my iv an it is heavenly. Well I wake up and they are wheeling me to x-ray and the guy is really nice especially since I passed out because of the morphine and he had to catch my fat ass from falling on the floor. So the x-rays come back abnormal and off to the ct scan I go. Well I am going in and out of conciseness while in the ct scan. Also I was apparently turning blue because the really nice ct lady gave me this super warm blanket and sheet it was wonderful. So I fall asleep and they wake it up a few minutes hours centuries who the heck knows later and they tell me that something was abnormal with my gallbladder. Excuse me?? I am 22 almost 23 what the hell . So they give me all this medicine and tell me to schedule and ultrasound appointment. Then I make my dear friend Snow Ratchet (you'll read all about her soon!) come get me from the hospital that is 35 minutes away (What can I say Snow Ratchet is literally the greatest person ever) Somehow through all of this I named my gallbladder Tina ( don't ask I name everything) So I get that scheduled and I go to the appointment and it is going ok. Clearly the girl doing it is nervous ( come to find out she was a student) She is literally digging into Tina and I am just trying not to cry like a little girl. Well she says she needs to show these photos to her mentor. Well the mentor then comes in all serious. Now I am terrified. She is quickly explaining to me that when you have an ultrasound done the inside of your organs are suppose to be black to show there is fluid in there and that it is empty. Well mine is almost entirely white. I had huge stones and the wall was inflamed and there was fluid in the wall and basically Tina is dying on me. So they call the surgeon on call and he suggests that I be taken immediately to the surgical center. Well cue the Fat Barbie FREAKOUT.!!!! So I go and i am freaking out and my surgeon just looks at me and is like yup Tina has to come out so lets get you scheduled for that business. Well what is the day she gave me? The day before my birthday. FAT BARBIE ANGRY... All I wanted was to have a fun 90's themed birthday party but no Tina had to go and ruin that RUINED MY BIRTHDAY PARTY. So basically the day before I urn 23 I will be having Tina the bad bitch gallbladder taken out. Wish me luck kittens because I am really nervous! I am sure I'll demand to write a post post surgery!
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