Fat Barbie vs. Red Jeans

So I like to stay as on top of fashion as I am comfortable with. This means that Fat Barbie will NOT be wearing those cutesy crop top lacey things. I mean I'm confident and all but I'm not about to bare my belly. So I found or I should say SkinnyBitch found this absolutely adorable red, navy and white paisley top when we went to the beach. SO I have been looking for red jeans to match ever since. Actually I need to amend that statement. I have been looking for red jeans ever since SkinnyBitch came to visit over this past school year. I mean I have searched high and low for red jeans that I deemed socially acceptable. And it was so hard to find red jeans that didn't make my thighs look like fire hydrants and my butt look like two puppies were fighting in a sack. I mean these are definitely Fat Barbie problems. It is so hard sometimes to find something that is fashionable in a bigger size. It is often very hit or miss. Sometimes I will shop for what seems like hours and I still can't find anything and other times I hit the jackpot early and I hit it fast. I mean don't get me started on online shopping. ( Well I guess you don't really have a choice I'm going off on that tangent) It is funny how all of these online stores have fabulous plus size clothes but then there is nothing in actual stores. It is so frustrating to me that I can't just walk into a store and find something that is completely and utterly Fat Barbie. It always is a struggle to shop at stores because I feel such shame for having to shop there. But I, Fat Barbie, am done with feeling shame at having to shop at the fat lady stores. For every heart wrenching shopping failure I have had I have found something 87,000,000 times more awesome. Now you might be saying "Fat Barbie, how does this relate at all to the red jeans?" Well my darling readers it correlates like this (yeah look at that vocabulary) I have been searching in stores for red jeans for months only to be told they are out of my size or that they don't even make red jeans in my size. However fortunately I was not alone in my red jeans conundrum. SkinnyBitch experienced the same problem when she was trying to find white jeans ( Fat Barbie Fact #894 Fat Barbie can't pull off white jeans, it makes my thighs look like icebergs) That is when I realized that it wasn't just me who was having a problem trying to find the perfect pair of color(less) jeans. It was heartening to know that my skinnier sibling was having an awkward pants moment too. After months of trying to find the perfect pair of red jeans I have finally found a pair that I think will make me look extra Fat Barbie Fabulous. I will be ordering them later this weekend! (Sidenote in this I have beaten SkinnyBitch because she is still looking for a perfect pair of red jeans....Fat Barbie won this round)

Fat Barbie Goes to Italy

Me on the left SkinnyBitch on the right

So today I decided it was time to get back into gym. I know I know (Fat Barbie is proud she's fat) but I used to be an athlete and while I was never ever skinny I was at least in better condtion and didn't practically die when I was walking up some stairs. It really hit me that I needed to get back to the gym (well you know besides whenever I have to take any pictures next to my skinny sister affectionately called SkinnyBitch here) when my family and I went to Italy for the family trip. In Florence, SkinnyBitch(love her but really come on quit making me look bad) decided that she and Fat Barbie needed to walk the up to the top of the Duomo.  Now Fat Barbie went to school where walking up hills both ways was in fact a possibility. So I gamely said "Yeah Skinny Bitch! Let's climb the stairs of the Duomo..." WHAT WAS I THINKING???? fat Barbie does NOT do stairs.. To get to the top of the Duomo one needs to walk up 463 stairs. Now most people are thinking "Fat Barbie that is so easy I mean good Lord Fat Barbie get a grip." Well darlings the stairs of the Duomo are all narrow, oddly shaped,steep as hell and most are of the spiral variety. Now I was game I mean the views from the top of the Duomo are suppose to be the most beautiful in Florence. So SkinnyBitch and I get to the Duomo early because according to all the travel books it is better to get there early. So we are anxiously waiting to get inside. We were the fourth and fifth people in line ( you will need all of this background information later I promise) We get inside and head to the stairs. Now in front of us there was a lovely group of older ladies and behind us a fun couple with one of the men's mothers who had tagged along. So we begin to walk and I'm thinking " You GOT this Fat Barbie OWN those stairs! OWN THEM! Yeah well after the first 50 I thought I was dying and Skinny Bitch is laughing her extremely toned ass off. Not only were we passed by our Fabulous friends and their mother but all the older people were just climbing up like it was a stair master. So I beg SkinnyBitch to go on without me and I will just find her when I get to the top. Well good thing for me SkinnyBitch said no that we had to do this together. About half way up there is a landing that you can rest on well you best believe Fat Barbie collapsed and all the while SkinnyBitch is laughing and encouragong me to continue. So eventually SkinnyBitch gets me off the floor abd we begin to ascend again. (Let me just say there must have been no FAT monks who had to climb those flipping stairs because they would have DIED) Now by this time I am sweating through my adorable pink Beta Beta Delta shirt, I can smell my mcnasty tennis shoes and I am starting to get leg cramps out the wazoo. (SkinnyBitch later would tell me she had to fight the urge to take my picture when I was going through this absolute meltdown...If she had so much as taken the camera out of her purse I would have thrown her skinny ass off the top of the Duomo) So after climbing more stairs we come to another break. This meant we got to walk around the permieter of the dome on the inside. It was so cool to be that close to the gorgeous paintins on the dome. Now SkinnyBitch is so excited taking all these pictures and I am trying to catch my breath so I don't fall over and die and leave her to haul my fat self down all those stairs (although I did think about doing just that) After this we once again began the dreaded climb. After what seemed like hours of walking up the narrow winding enclosed stairs we see light. Now I'm talking like sun light not lamp light. Fat Barbie and SkinnyBitch had made it ( well almost) Now there was just 8 steps between me, Fat Barbie, and the glorious Florentine skiyline. Those 8 steps were some of the hardest steps to walk. So I finally convince SkinnyBitch to go up the last 8 steps without me because I needed a breather. (Fat Barbie takes a lot of breathers...judge me I dare you)So after what seemed like my 1,000,000 breather I make it up the final 8 steps and rejoin SkinnyBitch. Were the views breath taking? I am not so sure because I couldn't regain my breath but SkinnyBitch said they were gorgeous so I'll take her word for it. But as I was standind there at the very top of the Duomo looking out at St. Lorenzo Church (the Medici church if you were wondering) I realized that I really needed to be in better shape. At 22 I shouldn't be afraid I am having a heart attack or be so light headed after only climbing 463 steps. It was at that moment I realized that I needed to make a major change in my life. I am perfectly happy with how I look I want to make that known (well most days at least) but I need to be in better shape because as SkinnyBitch so lovingly said as I thought I was dying "Fat Barbie you aren't allowed to die(here is where I thought she'd say something loving and I wouldn't be tempted to kill her...I was wrong) because who would I torment if you were dead?" Thanks SkinnyBitch how wonderful to see you care. So now that I have gotten back from Italy I am on the hunt for a good gym and a personal trainer who won't make me feel like I am a disgusting wildabeast that should be taken out because I am Fat Barbie. I think I have found a good gym in my college town so we shall see how this goes!