Dying Fat Barbie is Literally Dying

So I began my training with the Personal Trainer on Thursday. And let me tell you it was surprisingly a lot of fun! Who would have thought Fat Barbie would associate anything with working out fun. So it began with some simple weightlifting and I so confidently thought " Oh this is going to be a piece of cake! I am going to kick this workout's butt." Wellmi thought I had. I wasn't too tired after the work out and felt like a champ when I was driving back to my house. Then I woke up yesterday and barely felt any soreness in my arms so I returned to the gym for some cardio fun! The place I work out at is so cool. They have cable tv in each cardio machine (now I can watch what I want on tv while working out...it is wonderful) I mean I got to finish VH1's 40 Greatest R&B Songs from the 90's ( everyone should watch it... I predict it will win an Emmy) So I am feeling so cocky about how I feels . After all it doesn't even feel like I worked out too hard with my trainer. So I finish at the gym and head home where a friend asked if I would see Magic Mike with her( umm duh Magic Mike should get an Oscar based on casting alone...) let's just say Alex Pettyfer may not be able to dance but oh my lanta is he something to look at...( I actually squealed like a little girl when he first took his shirt off all I can say is YUM!) So towards the end of the movie I began to feel some muscle stiffness and I was like oh it's still not bad. But as the night progresses I realized my body was literally kicking my butt for being so cocky earlier. So I went to sleep hoping that would calm the muscles. Well, like with many things, I was horribly wrong. I kept waking up last night to move because the muscles would be so sore they would wake me up. I feel like I have been stuck in a taffy pull. It is awful but it is a good awful because it means I actually did work. But goodness to I wish I wasn't so stiff and sore. Heading into the gym today may just kill me. But as they say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger...what a load of bull though because I can't get my arms above my shoulders. I really think I. Am. Dying so if you personally low Fat Barbie and you haven't heard from me in a few days you can be assured the gym has killed me... Anyway I will let you kittens go finish the rest of your wonderful Saturday!

Inspire

It doesn't take a whole lot to make Fat Barbie cry. ( just asks SkinnyBitch) but I saw something today that really made me think about things ( and yes it made me cry). I saw this picture and it almost made me cry. To be as confident as this girl is something I strive to attain. She makes such a bold statement that really turns the entire "thin is pretty thing" right on its ear. Now I want everyone to know that I believe everyone is beautiful. Tall, thin, short, fat, medium everyone has the one thing that makes them simply stunning.This girl has got it going on. She has got such a pretty face and such a confident air and that is something that is amazing. The road to becoming Fat . Barbie was not easy, from my freshman year of high school up to the middle of my junior year of college I hated looking in the mirror. I saw someone who was nothing more than a hideous beast. Of course most people didn't know I thought that because in my world you can't let people know you think you're ugly. It shows weakness and that is what people prey on. So I held this notion of being a beast and it began to really began to seep into my outside life. But something eventually "clicked" and I realized that I was just as pretty as others and I didn't need to loathe myself. And that is when I stopped pitying myself and moved on. I gained the confidence and the ability to see past all of the negativity I had piled on myself. If I had seen this photo earlier I would have had my turning point much earlier then when I did. This young woman shows such wonderful spark and in that moment you know that she has changed at least one person with her message. More people (myself included) need to think like this girl. Whatever a person size is they deserve to feel beautiful or as this inspiring girl calls herself "glorious" . There will always be times when I feel down about myself but in those times I will recall this picture and this girl's strength and that will get me through. It may not be much but everyone needs a confidence role model and I am selecting this girl. Kudos to whoever she is because she has made me a more confident Fat Barbie.

Fat Barbie is a Delicate Flower

So it has been in the 100's since I've gotten back and all I can say is Fat Barbie HATES really hot weather. When people said they were sweating so much they would turn into a puddle I laughed. Now I completely understand where they are coming from. If I don't stop sweating I will legit die from dehydration. Kittens I know that y'all are thinking you can die from sweating. Well Fat Barbie will be the first person to do so and it will be a sad day. I am so hot I am stripped down to spanky shorts and a flowy tank top ( I promise I haven't been outside in this outfit). I am a delicate flower and this heat is not conducive to me being a happy Fat Barbie. It is awful. I went outside and cracked and egg on the sidewalk and it FRIED. Clearly that means it is to dang hot. Well kittens I am going to go dunk ice on myself but I hope y'all are having a better day!

Fat Barbie Goes On A Road Trip

So it was time for me to make my way back to where I am going to grad school. Now I attended the same place for undergrad so I have made the 10+ hour drive before. Luckily I am "intrepid" and I am used to this drive. This drive began way way too early for my tastes. I was awoke promptly at 6:30 am. Now most of y'all are probably thinking "6:30 am really? Fat Barbie welcome to the real world" I haven't had to wake up that early since the Duomo experience( and thus it is connected with bad memories...maybe) Needless to say I am not a big fan. This trip was already off to a brilliant start. Now there is a reason people hate cops and I give you a prime example right now: I am just driving through the northern part of the state I live in. A state trooper pulls behind me! ( for once I was actually obeying the traffic laws shocking I know) he follows me for a good 20 minutes. Listen I get it you live in Podunk no where but that does not give you permission to use and abuse your power as an officer of the law. So that was definitely a damper on the day. However there is a funny part to this story I assure you. No matter how many times I make the drive through the farmlands that make up a healthy portion of my drive, it still surprises me to see a big ole tractor just puttering down the highway. What makes it even more funny it when the tractor( other farm equipment) passes you because you are driving to slowly for their tastes. Well excuse me Mr. Farmer but I have a state trooper following me just to allivate his own boredom. These tractor sightings are nothing compared to the wonderful entertainment provided to me by a fellow driver and his very personable passenger! As I am driving through another nameless little small town I have got the driving blues...I had been driving for eight long hours and was about to drive off the nearest mountain ( don't worry kittens I never would actually do that!) As I am driving I begin to car dance ( no one is allowed to judge because EVERYONE car dances) to keep myself awake and keep myself on the road. Well the truck next to me pulls even to me. Clearly they have been watching Fat Barbie car dance for quite some time because the passenger is clearly copying some of my better moves. After we finisha our car dance off we applaud each other wave and continue on our drive to our separate destinations. That right there is the main reason I love driving such a distance to go to school ( besides the fact that I attended the world's GREATEST university) where else could someone get into a car dance battle? It was absolutely the greatest and I loved it! More later darlings!

Do These Glasses Make Me Look Smart?

So yesterday I had to go to the eye doctor ( opthamologist optometrist some kinda opto) Now fun fact Fat Barbie is severely nearsighted meaning I can't see anything that is further than 5 ft in front of my face( unless I have my contacts in or super nerd glasses on) Which leads me to the bulk( haha) of my story. So being super smart( sarcasm) I managed to lose my I am a nerd glasses. Well isn't that just super inconvenient...but really. So I hate my old eye doctor because he always had really cold hands and was kind creepy ( I am sorry cold hands all over my face NOT ok) so I went to a new doctor. Well it is a good thing I made this appointment when I had absolutely nothing to do because they were running late ( If there is one thing Fat Barbie can't stand it is being late...I hate being late and I hate when others are late....punctuality is sexy) So I begin to peruse all of the types of glass this eye doctor is trying to hock to me. Now I have a hard time picking out what I want so I had an amazing solution to this problem. The night before I went to website and picked out some glasses that I would be sure to look for in the store. Well problem was I looked God awful in each pair I had selected so that sent me into a tailspin( Fat Barbie goes into tailspins a lot) Because of these issues I was glad to have the extra time to look before I went in to see the doctor. Well I was still at an impasse when my name was called to finally go back. Of course I was put through all of the test by an assistant which was fine but the woman was not phrasing her questions well. SO I felt like a complete moron(not and uncommon occurrence in Fat Barbie's life) so finally we get to the eye pressure test. If you have never had an eye pressure test here is my warning for you: they SHOOT AIR at you...No warning no nothing all of a sudden it's like pouf air right in the eye and then they do it to the other eye. I had never done this test before and wasn't expecting this air to come shooting at my eye ( I have issues with things coming at my face...I no like) It was awful! And the assistant just laughed at me when I was startled. Well excuse me for not knowing all that air was going to come shooting at my face. I won't even lie that startled me so badly. After having my eyes assaulted by puffs of air, I was finally able to see the doctor. After doing the normal chit chat and being told no I wasn't blind ( I was shocked that there were people more blind than I was) I was told I was just a tiny bit nearsighted ( Is he kidding) with a slight astigmatism ( don't even ask me what that means because I can't even spell it) Armed with my new prescription I was on the hunt to find the world's most perfect glasses. The search seemed endless all of my backup plans had failed( If you have no clue what i am talking about then clearly you didn't read carefully) Now darling readers y'all maybe thinking "Fat Barbie why are you so obsessed with finding the perfect glasses. they are just glasses! They won't obstruct your beauty"( I put that last line in for myself!) It is important to me that i find glasses that won't make my already seriously round face look even rounder. So this meant I had to find rectangular shaped frames with arms that wouldn't leave an imprint on my delicate fat, I wanted tortoise shell frames or brown. I needed to look mature yet fun and adorable (just like me) When all seemed lost and hopeless I gaze across the store and there in the front display were THE glasses, they were rectangle, tortoise shell frames with wide arms! It was like the Goddess of Glasses came down and dropped them there in a gesture of  reconciliation with Fat Barbie and it was wonderful. It was like these glasses making up for the fact I had air surreptitiously SHOT into my delicate eye ( the were only good thing about that was my eyes are perfectly healthy with the exception of the whole near sighted astigmatism thing! Holla my eyes are perfect just like me....haha) These were the holy grail of frames and I had to have them. Luckily for me my parents said I could have them and thus all of torture I faced was made totally worth while. Now i am anxiously awaiting the day I can wear them. It will be nice to have a back up plan to see when my eyes are too tired to wear my contacts...yes that actually happens. I feel like such a nerd because I am so excited for my new glasses. I won't have to put my contacts in when I have early morning classes hello super awesome glasses! best day ever!

What's in a Name? That Which We Call Fat Barbie by Any NameWould Be as Awesome

Hi guys! Kudos by the way if you were able to guess which famous line I ripped off for the title of this post...( Romeo and Juliet for you philistines who didn't) Today I was wondering what I would blog about because there is just do much that I could especially within the fat acceptance world. However I chose to blog today about the different names we give our size that sound a lot better than just plain old fat. Don't worry there won't be a lot of names ( only two) but they are my favorites! Let me begin by saying I have called myself and been called these names before on numerous occasions ( so don't whine and if you don't like it you don't have to read)
 1. Voluptuous- hellooooooooooooooo sexy! I mean that name just makes everyone( ok well maybe just me) think of super hot bigger girl. Like she is the one who walks in the room and everyone is like dang that girl is finnneeeeeeeeeeeeee! Whenever I need a confidence boost I always think to myself "Fat Barbie today you are looking quite voluptuous....go on with your bad self girl!" and instantly I have about 87 bazilllon more confidence points. When I studied abroad I had a guy walk up to me and tell me I was the most voluptuous, beautiful girl he had ever seen (and he said it in an accent I almost said in response "my body is ready" but I figured that would be creepy) and that he wanted to buy me a drink( I was of legal drinking age for Europe so I totally didn't feel bad at all) Unfortunately we soon parted because well I don't know why but I am sure my parents would have been thrilled to hear I wasn't coming back to start my junior year of college because I had decided to stay overseas. I think the best part about the word voluptuous is that is gives that instant boost and suddenly you are thinking to yourself "Self, I am a volutpous confident woman hear me ROAR" ( word of advice don't roar in public people tend to think you're weird, but hey if it floats your boat who am I to judge) so in my opinion being called voluptuous is one of the greatest things in the world !
 2. Rubenesque- This is my absolute go to when I need to describe myself. Rubens was a painter during the Baroque period( 17th century eventually gave way into the Rocco period... Alright art history lesson over) Now you may be asking yourself " Fat Barbie what does this painter dude have anything to do with fat people?" Well friends get this Rubens LOVED to paint big girls( Rubens was a bigger guy himself and quite the looker when he was younger in my humble opinion) and so from those gorgeous paintings, which hang in any art museum worth its salt, comes the name Rubenesque. Now that I have filled you in on Rubens go look up his art (Venus with a mirror is a good one to start with) Do you see how lovely his Venus is? That is why I love the word Rubenesque. His women are gorgeous and fleshy. And sometimes it is so nice to see a woman in a painting  who looks just like you. This leads me to my story( I know all of y'all are excited) When my family and I were in Italy we went to Florence( Obviously read Fat Barbie goes to Italy). There are two beautiful art museums in Florence the Accademia and the Uffizi ( I probably misspelled those but whatever) So as we are perusing through the Uffizi on some God awful tour, I finally see it. After what had seemed like hours of beautiful skinny Titans and Raphaels I see her. There amidst these paintings I saw her...As I walked closer to get a better look I realized that this was the first time I had ever seen a painting that resembled Fat Barbie( you know besides Piacasso) ! And there she was a beautiful 17th century princess( of course) painted by Peter Paul Rubens. And as I am blatantly staring my mom walks up behind me and says " Fat Barbie, it's you!" Yes yes it was me and when I saw just how beautiful this girl was I realized that I was proud to have a Rubenesque figure. Because if I could be compared to this beautiful girl in the painting I was lucky. Not many body type names can say they took the name from a painter. I mean have you ever heard about a Mannerist body? A Monet body? and most certainly not a Picasso body! The only other artist you hear associated with the body is Titan and that is used to describe red hair. So I for one am proud to call myself Rubenesque and be called Rubenesque because it means that I am as beautiful as those women in Rubens' paintings and I am 100% ok with that! The women in Rubens' painting all exude such confidence and sexiness. They are perfectly happy with their bodies and they are sexy and beautiful. They prove that you don't have to be thin to be sexy or confident in yourself. You just have to love yourself!

Fat Barbie vs. Red Jeans

So I like to stay as on top of fashion as I am comfortable with. This means that Fat Barbie will NOT be wearing those cutesy crop top lacey things. I mean I'm confident and all but I'm not about to bare my belly. So I found or I should say SkinnyBitch found this absolutely adorable red, navy and white paisley top when we went to the beach. SO I have been looking for red jeans to match ever since. Actually I need to amend that statement. I have been looking for red jeans ever since SkinnyBitch came to visit over this past school year. I mean I have searched high and low for red jeans that I deemed socially acceptable. And it was so hard to find red jeans that didn't make my thighs look like fire hydrants and my butt look like two puppies were fighting in a sack. I mean these are definitely Fat Barbie problems. It is so hard sometimes to find something that is fashionable in a bigger size. It is often very hit or miss. Sometimes I will shop for what seems like hours and I still can't find anything and other times I hit the jackpot early and I hit it fast. I mean don't get me started on online shopping. ( Well I guess you don't really have a choice I'm going off on that tangent) It is funny how all of these online stores have fabulous plus size clothes but then there is nothing in actual stores. It is so frustrating to me that I can't just walk into a store and find something that is completely and utterly Fat Barbie. It always is a struggle to shop at stores because I feel such shame for having to shop there. But I, Fat Barbie, am done with feeling shame at having to shop at the fat lady stores. For every heart wrenching shopping failure I have had I have found something 87,000,000 times more awesome. Now you might be saying "Fat Barbie, how does this relate at all to the red jeans?" Well my darling readers it correlates like this (yeah look at that vocabulary) I have been searching in stores for red jeans for months only to be told they are out of my size or that they don't even make red jeans in my size. However fortunately I was not alone in my red jeans conundrum. SkinnyBitch experienced the same problem when she was trying to find white jeans ( Fat Barbie Fact #894 Fat Barbie can't pull off white jeans, it makes my thighs look like icebergs) That is when I realized that it wasn't just me who was having a problem trying to find the perfect pair of color(less) jeans. It was heartening to know that my skinnier sibling was having an awkward pants moment too. After months of trying to find the perfect pair of red jeans I have finally found a pair that I think will make me look extra Fat Barbie Fabulous. I will be ordering them later this weekend! (Sidenote in this I have beaten SkinnyBitch because she is still looking for a perfect pair of red jeans....Fat Barbie won this round)

Fat Barbie Goes to Italy

Me on the left SkinnyBitch on the right

So today I decided it was time to get back into gym. I know I know (Fat Barbie is proud she's fat) but I used to be an athlete and while I was never ever skinny I was at least in better condtion and didn't practically die when I was walking up some stairs. It really hit me that I needed to get back to the gym (well you know besides whenever I have to take any pictures next to my skinny sister affectionately called SkinnyBitch here) when my family and I went to Italy for the family trip. In Florence, SkinnyBitch(love her but really come on quit making me look bad) decided that she and Fat Barbie needed to walk the up to the top of the Duomo.  Now Fat Barbie went to school where walking up hills both ways was in fact a possibility. So I gamely said "Yeah Skinny Bitch! Let's climb the stairs of the Duomo..." WHAT WAS I THINKING???? fat Barbie does NOT do stairs.. To get to the top of the Duomo one needs to walk up 463 stairs. Now most people are thinking "Fat Barbie that is so easy I mean good Lord Fat Barbie get a grip." Well darlings the stairs of the Duomo are all narrow, oddly shaped,steep as hell and most are of the spiral variety. Now I was game I mean the views from the top of the Duomo are suppose to be the most beautiful in Florence. So SkinnyBitch and I get to the Duomo early because according to all the travel books it is better to get there early. So we are anxiously waiting to get inside. We were the fourth and fifth people in line ( you will need all of this background information later I promise) We get inside and head to the stairs. Now in front of us there was a lovely group of older ladies and behind us a fun couple with one of the men's mothers who had tagged along. So we begin to walk and I'm thinking " You GOT this Fat Barbie OWN those stairs! OWN THEM! Yeah well after the first 50 I thought I was dying and Skinny Bitch is laughing her extremely toned ass off. Not only were we passed by our Fabulous friends and their mother but all the older people were just climbing up like it was a stair master. So I beg SkinnyBitch to go on without me and I will just find her when I get to the top. Well good thing for me SkinnyBitch said no that we had to do this together. About half way up there is a landing that you can rest on well you best believe Fat Barbie collapsed and all the while SkinnyBitch is laughing and encouragong me to continue. So eventually SkinnyBitch gets me off the floor abd we begin to ascend again. (Let me just say there must have been no FAT monks who had to climb those flipping stairs because they would have DIED) Now by this time I am sweating through my adorable pink Beta Beta Delta shirt, I can smell my mcnasty tennis shoes and I am starting to get leg cramps out the wazoo. (SkinnyBitch later would tell me she had to fight the urge to take my picture when I was going through this absolute meltdown...If she had so much as taken the camera out of her purse I would have thrown her skinny ass off the top of the Duomo) So after climbing more stairs we come to another break. This meant we got to walk around the permieter of the dome on the inside. It was so cool to be that close to the gorgeous paintins on the dome. Now SkinnyBitch is so excited taking all these pictures and I am trying to catch my breath so I don't fall over and die and leave her to haul my fat self down all those stairs (although I did think about doing just that) After this we once again began the dreaded climb. After what seemed like hours of walking up the narrow winding enclosed stairs we see light. Now I'm talking like sun light not lamp light. Fat Barbie and SkinnyBitch had made it ( well almost) Now there was just 8 steps between me, Fat Barbie, and the glorious Florentine skiyline. Those 8 steps were some of the hardest steps to walk. So I finally convince SkinnyBitch to go up the last 8 steps without me because I needed a breather. (Fat Barbie takes a lot of breathers...judge me I dare you)So after what seemed like my 1,000,000 breather I make it up the final 8 steps and rejoin SkinnyBitch. Were the views breath taking? I am not so sure because I couldn't regain my breath but SkinnyBitch said they were gorgeous so I'll take her word for it. But as I was standind there at the very top of the Duomo looking out at St. Lorenzo Church (the Medici church if you were wondering) I realized that I really needed to be in better shape. At 22 I shouldn't be afraid I am having a heart attack or be so light headed after only climbing 463 steps. It was at that moment I realized that I needed to make a major change in my life. I am perfectly happy with how I look I want to make that known (well most days at least) but I need to be in better shape because as SkinnyBitch so lovingly said as I thought I was dying "Fat Barbie you aren't allowed to die(here is where I thought she'd say something loving and I wouldn't be tempted to kill her...I was wrong) because who would I torment if you were dead?" Thanks SkinnyBitch how wonderful to see you care. So now that I have gotten back from Italy I am on the hunt for a good gym and a personal trainer who won't make me feel like I am a disgusting wildabeast that should be taken out because I am Fat Barbie. I think I have found a good gym in my college town so we shall see how this goes!

An Introduction to Fat Barbie

Well I guess this is hello to all the readers or non readers out there. I am if you haven't guessed it, Fat Barbie. Now many of you may wonder what that entails well basically it means that I look kinda like Barbie. By that I mean that I am blonde, have a decent looking face and kinda tall. The one big glaringly obvious difference between me and Barbie is...that's right you guessed it! I am fat whereas Barbie is super skinny. I know I know y'all must be like "Girl you are delusional if you think that you look like fat Barbie!" Well I do think I could be an awesome Fat Barbie and I am not forcing you to read this. Now I began to blog because I am a semi insomniac. You might be asking " Fat Barbie what is a semi insomniac?" Well good reader let me enlighten you. A semi insomniac in Fat Barbie world is someone who normally has no problem sleeping through the night, but sometimes doesn't sleep at all. So I was having a particularly bad semi insomniac moment last night and began to look up all of these blogs dedicated to fat awareness and acceptance. And they all inspired me. I noticed however that I couldn't find a blog that I related to on an age level. I am young, not like super young I can legally drink in America so no worries on that front but I wanted a blog that I could be like well that's the story of my life. All these bloggers were so self confident, older, hard working, married etc. Everything they are I aspire to become eventually, one day, hopefully. But for right now I am Fat Barbie. I want other fat girls my age to see that there are other girls just like us. I want those Fat Barbie sorority girls to realize that yes they maybe bigger than their sisters but they are just as fabulous and amazing! I want those Fat Barbie smart girls to realize that they are amazingly smart and will probably become president/cure cancer etc whatever smart people want to do in life! Now I can feel some of you readers thinking or saying "What the hell Fat Barbie? I am perfectly confident and I know I am awesome." Yes dear, dear reader you are awesome or else you wouldn't be reading this blog but sometimes Fat Barbie gets on a soap box and when that happens all bets are off. I know this first blog post is so incredibly disjointed and quasi rambling( sorry I'm not sorry) but it is my first time blogging ever and I really want this blog to help at least one girl who hasn't reached her Fat Barbie potential or remind one woman that yes they are indeed Fat Barbie and that makes them amazing. It is always hard to be Fat Barbie in a skinny world. I was Fat Barbie in my college sorority. I was the biggest member all four years and one year I was told I was too fat to recruit new members. I mean they didn't phrase it like that it was more like " Fat Barbie, hey girl this is Skinny Evil Girl! I hope you are excited for spirit and recruitment week! We have got some great things planned for you! You are going to be the liasion between the chapter and the alumnae! Unfortunately it means you won't be talking during recruitment. It has nothing to do with what the advisors and I think about you! It is just you don't portray the image we want girls to see Beta Beta Delta has. Well we will just talk more about it when you come back to school! See you sistah!" Yep that was the actual voicemail that cow left on my voicemail. I still have it for reasons unknown to me. So here I was a proud memeber of Beta Beta Delta and I was being told I wasn't the "image" that my soroirty wanted to portray. Now most girls would have said oh ok that's fine recruitment sucks major anyway but no not Fat Barbie. I wasn't going to take such an insult lying down! How dare she tell me that I wasn't good enough to talk to potenial new Beta Beta Deltas. After a long drawn out argument I won the right to recurit for Beta Beta Delta. I am proud to say that even the advisors thought I did a great job during that recruitment and Skinng Evil Girl had to apologize to me for thinking that I would be a detrament to the chapter. Now many of you (or maybe just my mom Hi mom!) are thinking " Well I most certainly hope you didn't stay in Beta Beta Delta because those girls sound evil." Well I did and it was the best decision I ever made because there were so many girls in my chapter who couldn't believe that Fat Barbie would be treated like that. It was wonderful to see so many people boost Fat Barbie (maybe I should say heft Fat Barbie ) up in self confidence. And that is what I want Fat Barbie to do for other girls. Well I guess I am done with my rant for right now. I hope y'all liked your introduction to Fat Barbie and I hope y'all come back to Fat Barbie in the City! Please don't hesitate to email me! I am in graduate school and have no life so I will always respond to any and all emails! I guess i should give y'all my email address get excited! My email is fatbarbie12@gmail.com